Survival

Death March

Untitled, incomplete, and wont be finished

You ever get dragged into seeing something you didn't want to see or even much go to. This would be one of those instances. I find myself sitting on the bottom floor of a movie theater packed with nothing but people who have an obsession with some dumb fuck ass movie. I get dragged into watching this bullshit cause of being in a relationship. Fuck love and relationships. I can already tell this is by far going to be the worst 2 hours of my damn day. Today's already a shitty day and this bitch just has to obsess over this movie. She always wants and wants things like this no matter what. She feels that everything is about her. But it's not. I fucking hate this and the relationship. Oh look the movie is about to start. I guess I'll write about the fuckery that ensues after I get out this damn thing. That is if I get out. Fuck this shit and her.

Abandonment Part 1

They say I turned my back on them.
But let's be honest they turned their backs on me
They didn't and don't really care about my individual happiness. They just act like they care so that they can achieve their greater goal. No one really gives a damn about you without having some other motive. So let's be honest if I turn my back on those that turned their back on me first is it really turning my back? No it's not. It's facing the music and realizing that you have to walk alone in order to survive. So fuck em. I walk alone with no problems.

You sicken me.

You sicken me.
The more I look at you the more I wonder why.
Why you?
You're falling apart.
Not what you used to be.
But do you even realize it?
Probably fucking not.
Cause you're still happy, right?
But what if you do realize it?
Do you even fucking care enough to change it?
I doubt you do
Honestly you probably doubt it yourself
So what the point of this then?
I don't really know.
Maybe you being questioned in the open will motivate you.
Let me stop lying.
You don't fucking care

Home

Home is not where the heart is.
Whoever made that statement should be shot.
Home is where anger is.
Home is where dissapointment lives.
Home is where overly high expectations where born.
Home is where hate was bred.
Home is a place that is not truly a home.
Home is just a house that my license says I reside at.
Home is a place full of empty dreams and broken promises.
Home is where I was destroyed as an individual in exchange for something others wanted.
Home is not a fond place.
Home is something I don't have anymore.
I fucking hate you home. May you rot in piss

April Hamric

Love has been replaced with hate
the hate burns with a passion
a passion that rivals love
but the love is gone
gone are the days of happiness
gone are the days of fun
the days of you in my arms
the days of us playing with the kids at the park
here are the days of sadness
here are the days of anger
here are the days of hate
days where I can't stand to hear your name
go along with days where i want to see you and be with you
this is love
this is hate
this is
i mean was
us

The Uniform

I am honored and proud to wear this uniform
a uniform that men and women have bled and died for
for over sixty years
a uniform that represents the best of the best
an elite, intelligent, special group of men and women
while it may not always show
I am proud to be a part of the United States Air Force
Above All Nobody Comes Close
One Team One Fight One Win
HUA!!!!

My Uniform

It started as something that I wanted
something that I was doing for me
something that I chose to do
now it represents pain, anger, confusion
doubt,worry,grief
something my mother has taken control of
something that I still want
but is it cause I want it
or cause she told I better want it

Satan's Warning

Hello Satan, well well well where do we begin this conversation? How bout with this, don't get comfortable on that thrown. You may have had it for all of eternity up until now but there's a new king coming soon. While your at it go ahead and tell Hitler, Malvo, & Zodiac to shut the fuck up bitching and move the fuck down some seats. This is my throne and kingdom now. I'm coming soon satan. I hope you're ready. The revolution will not be televised but will happen and will be violent. Oh yes there will be carnage. So here's your warning now. Get your shit together cause I'm coming to show you how to properly rule. Hell fire and brimstone will rain down just as hard as my reign will be. You've been warned.





With Bad Intentions,

The Little Nigger Boy

Open Letter to God Part II

Hello GOD, it's me again. The little nigger boy. I dont' want anything really, other than just to talk. No questioning of your actions like I did in my last letter. Just a general converastaion about my life. Just wanna know if something great and meaningful is coming to me, that's all. Something that's good enough to keep me from blowing my fucking brains out, which is a common thought lately. I know suicide is a sin that can't be forgiven. Let's be honest though judging from my track record I'm going to hell anyway. So why not speed up the process a little because my sucks and I'm at breaking point. I digress though, I just want to know if something great or significantly good is gonna happen. Is that too much for a little nigger boy to ask somebody as great and as powerful as you? Either way, please let me know something. I'll be waiting. No rush what so ever.


Sincerely,

The Little Nigger Boy


P.S. Sorry for cussing.

No Child

There are things that a child shouldn’t see or deal with growing up. No child should have to live in the shadow of somebody they have no remembrance of; someone that died when they were 3. No child should have two ringworms at the same time on the back of their head and be forced to do homeschool for a whole year. No child should be ridiculed for having permanent scars from the ringworm. No child should ever have to find their grandmother dead when they’re just 10. No child should have to sit on the front porch and have a cop tell them you can’t cry cause you have to be strong for your mother. No child should have to watch their aunt just lose it all when she found out. No child should answer the phone at 2 in the morning to hear that your only grandparent left died. No child’s last memory should be of their grandma should be her struggling to remember who the fuck you are. No child should have to see their father being carried out the house on a stretcher on two separate occasions. No child should have to see their father in the hospital with tubes running in and out of him at the age of 11. No child should be in school worrying if dad made it through triple bypass open heart surgery. No child should be forced to give up their childhood and innocence early. No child should have to live a best friend’s shadow. No child should have to sit and listen to family praise someone else’s child on graduation night instead of you and in front of you. No child should be forced to go to a certain school cause their parents say so. No child should be lied to constantly about a miscarriage of an older sibling by everybody in the family. No child should be able to remember any of this fucking shit vividly. No child should have a fucked up childhood like mine. Fucked up part is this shit aint even half of it.


Are you fuckers happy now? This is MY LIFE, ALL TRUTH, NO LIES. So fuck off with the questions about my actions. I have the right to be how I am cause life fucked me early and often. Don’t like it then for all intents and purposes leave my life and go hop in a grave you bastards.

Love's Crypt (incomplete)

Love is such a beautiful thing, but it's just as ugly as it is beautiful. Love can drive one to do many things that one wouldn't normally do. It's also strange for those who had never been in love to understand it. Love is something complex,special, rare, & something that is supposed to be forever lasting and enjoyable. On the other hand love can drive one to do some unspeakable and unimaginable acts.

The following story is true for the most part. The names have been changed to protect the innocent, oh wait there are no innocent parties when love is involved. It's sad to see what love can do to a person and then again it's also great to see what love can do for one. You may ask how I do know this, the answer is simple I've seen these things take place before and it's my job to take care of what happens when things go wrong or right depending upon your point of view. You may ask why is it my job and the answer is very simple I am the Crypt Keeper. This is my job, I gave up my own life so that I can warn others about the dangers of everyday life.

Now that that's out of the way ladies and gentleman this is the story of five friends. Three boys, two girls and the twisted love pyramid that they got themselves in. Before I take you to the story here's a little bit of background info. You have Samuel, a young slightly crazy but good natured person, who has a crush, that he refuses to admit to anyone, on a certain girl named Jenny. Jenny has a boyfriend, named Tim, who is in another state even though most of the time she doesn't act like that especially when she's around a certain boy named Ash. Jenny's best friend and roommate is a girl named Bethany. Bethany is a bit of flirt but yet is starting to change her ways thanks to Samuel's friend Ash. Ash has a crush on Bethany and has told Bethany how he feels. Ash and Bethany get along just find when they are by themselves but when others come into play the two tend not to talk to each other. Now that you have a little bit of background information on the situation let's pick up the story at the end of things. A violent murder & a violent car bombing have just been committed. There are two victims in the murder Ash & Bethany. The car bombing claimed four lives including Samuel, Tim, and a “innocent” spectator. Now that you think you know how things ended for them, let's get ourselves to that point.

Enjoy Love's Crypt if you can.

“ Why don't you just come out and admit that you like Jenny?” Ash questioned Samuel.

“ How many time's must I tell you

Diary of A Saint (incomplete)

They say that every sinner was once a saint. Well, what do they have to say about the girlfriend of a sinner? Is she a sinner by association? Is she a saint? Well, if you ask me I'll tell you that I'm a saint trying to undo what a sinner has done. Five years ago my boyfriend pulled off the biggest heist in the history of the state of Alabama and for the past five years I've lived the life of luxury. Enough is enough, my son is now five and wondering about daddy. My conscience is starting to eat at me. Things are starting to get out of control for me, I don't know what to do. Well, I guess all I can do is pull a page out of my boyfriend's play book and go back and look at some of my past diary entries and make a decision based upon those very entries.

July 15th

Five years and three months since the robbery and his death. Let me call it what it was his suicide his cop out his escape from responsibility. He wanted to be famous, he was driven by greed. It was his selfish desire that led to his downfall. He didn't have to kill everybody else but he couldn't allow anybody else to be around to share in the glory he wanted it all for himself. He wanted the fame, the fortune, the infamy, and hell if he was lucky enough he wanted the special that would air on t.v. to be all about him and how he pulled it off. Never mind the fact that the asshole had help from me, his sister,his brother, an old friend, and who the hell knows who else. I guess that greed really is a deadly sin. How's the weather in hell my friend?

July 16th

There is one thing I can thank the asshole for and that is making sure that me and his son, Xavier, don't have to worry about anything when it comes to monetary matters. That's bout the only thing I can thank him for. I have to raise Xavier all by myself. Xavier always ask where is daddy, when is daddy coming home? I keep telling him that daddy is away on business and that he will be home as soon as he can. The sad thing is that he's never ever coming back again no matter what. I have to tell Xavier sooner than later.

July 17th

I often feel sorry for Xavier at times. Not too many true friends at school, he has no father figure, he has no grandparents, hell he has no family other than me. I try to be there for him as much as possible. I take him to school every morning. I'm there every afternoon early with a surprise for him. I take him to football practice and I'm at every single football game that he has. I would sacrifice it all to make sure he is happy and safe.

July 18th

Wow I guess I now know how the asshole felt when he first saw me. I was out going for a jog today to help get my mind off of some things when I saw this absolutely stunning well-dressed business man. Now after going throw the things that I've been through I know better than to fall for a cute face and a smile. But there's something about him that draws me to him. I just don't know what is. I wish I did or maybe it's best that I don't know.

July 19th

Xavier had a summer league basketball game today. I was so proud to see him out there following in my footsteps. He even has a jumper like me, even though he's five. I also went into a part of the house that I rarely visit, a part of the house that Xavier doesn't know about. That room has so many things that are close to me and some things that bring back painful memories. The room contains basically everything from the robbery. It has some the memorabilia we stole from the bank to stacks of cash. It also contains pictures of me and the asshole. It also has the gun that he used to execute his cop out. There is also a letter that the asshole wrote to his unborn child explaining why he isn't around. I know Xavier needs to see it, I just don't know if I'm ready for him to see it.

July 20th

Maybe I should just go ahead and tell Xavier about his dad. I should also tell him about the person who could become his step-dad. Hold up I'm starting to rush into things again

6-30-00

Dear grandma
Fuck this letter writing shit
It's been 10 years since you died
I still hurt everyday
Random hauntings and flashbacks
I remember that shit vividly
Too vividly
I'm ok for the most part
Let me stop lying
I'm a mess. Idk what I want out of life
Hell I dont know why I'm in college other than I was told to go
Surviving these past ten years
Far from easy
I should be the fourth grave next to yall
I really need you. I do
I don't know who or what the fuck I am
Other than lost.
You kept me straight as a kid
Now I'm just a fuck up that can't do right
One that looks for others to make me better
Plain and simple I'm nothing
I need you more than ever
I love you
I miss you

Dear Nadine,

Hello
I wish you could receive this letter in person
But I’m getting off track
I wish I could’ve met you while you were alive
Atleast met you and be able to remember it
I was 3 when you left us
Nobody really talks about you or it
Matter of a fact they don’t at all
He doesn’t paint or draw since you left
I wonder how our relationship would be
If we would be close, remotely close or act like the other doesn’t exist
I wonder if you would’ve taught me art like I wish he did
I kinda feel that you took him from me
Is it fair no, but I feel that way at times
But most importantly I I could be able to remember you
You truly are great
If I ever have a little girl
She’ll be named after you
I love and miss you dearly sister
Love little brother

Suicide

If I were to die by suicide
How would you remember me
Though I kept it live
I’d probably be remembered in infamy
None of the good I did would be remembered
Just the bad, the fights, the shady deals
The violence, the anger, the aggression
That’s all people would remember
Nobody would remember the good
The times I stood by you when everybody else left
The times I was there at night to comfort you
The times I passed on somethin I wanted so you could eat
Nah none of that would be remembered
But they’ll remember my death
Seeing my half my brains on the wall
The other nowhere to be found
That’ll be remembered it’s fucked up
But true though
That’s life
Well that was life

Single Mother

let's take a moment out for all the single mothers
no matter what the race
the ones that bust their ass to provide for their kids
the ones thatll work a 9-5 and then a 10-4
the ones that don't let nothing stop them from taking care of their kids
ones that don't need a man to stand next to
the ones that'll be tired as hell but will still get up and play with the kids
we as males need to show some love and respect to the single mothers
this is just a little something from me to all the single mothers
i respect and applaud you
as a matter of fact i wish i was as strong as you

No 808's Just Heartbreak

he showed her that he had more than one side

he showed her that he had a sweet side

that he was a nice,caring, and loving individual

that he cared more about her feeling than her looks

he cared more for the mental than the physical

but she asked him one day "Why me?

You can do better,especially when it comes to looks."

He told her "I dont want to do better. I want you"

I like you and your looks

Plus looks arent that important to me

She finally believed him and gave the relationship a try

Time goes by and their bond starts to grow strong.

until one day he wakes up

he got the text that he feared

she ended it out of the blue

she said " I Just wanna be friends. That's how i really feel about you"

his world as he knew it just crashed down around him.

now he no longer has his girl or his friend

she exiled him from her life

all he can say now is "Why?"

maybe he shouldnt have given things a try

Failure

Failure is not an option

that's what he told himself

a lonely poor black kid that only wanted wealth

he had the smarts to make it in school

just not the patience to do the work

he had a role model, an idol named joe cool

joe moved them just as soon as he got them

he realized that joe cool was his way of not failing

his way of coming up in the world

he saw joe as his meal ticket

he kicked it with joe and joe decided to use him

he ran numbers and move them for joe for months

all over the blocks in the city

they called him super pretty, due to the way he dressed and handled business

until one day he wasn't so pretty anymore

he got caught with a stash

he got hauled off in front of joe

and joe didnt even bother to acknowledge his best runner

he now knows that joe was not his way to avoid failure

he regrets kicking it with joe to this day

but now he knows that he failed

not for gettin caught or even selling

but for thinking that failure was not an option

it was an option

just not one that he liked

he now knows its best to fail than succeed in some case

My Mistake

look girl just here this last message out

i'm being honest beyond a shadow of a doubt

i'm in a drought cause i done cried so many tears

just thinkin bout me and you

relieving our amazing years together

we survived all kinds of weather

the haters came at us like a severe thunderstorm

your friends piled up on me like a blizzard in the winter

but eventually the weather went back to being a sunny day

then i unleashed a storm worse that katrina

i cheated on you out of the blue with a girl that was brand new

in town; light brown and her ass was nice and round

you were beyond angry and had a right to be

you unleashed a fury worse than somethin that came from Zeus

there was no shelter for me even after you let me loose

girl i cheated on you and i'm sorry

but there's more....

Oh Well

I wanted you to be my girl
I was fallin like alicia keys
all I wanted was a chance
or at least one little slow dance
those were my thoughts a few months ago
since then my desire has continued to grow
I tried to find a way to get my foot in the door
but I couldn't find a way in time
all I can say now is oh well.....

His Mistakes

All those times that he did you wrong

his lies, indecisiveness,and excuses

not to mention him cheating on you

all those things left a dark spot on your heart

and now i can't get a chance to change things

just because of what he did

but that's more than ok

i'm willing to pay for his mistakes

because i'm smart enough not to make the same ones

so go ahead and name your price

i'm willing to pay it no matter what.....

That Girl

She was light skinned

no dark skinned

kinda short,kinda tall, kinda thick, kinda thin

i cant remember much except for the mood she put me in

with her beautiful smile and that little dimple

she has when she starts to talk

and the way she carries herselft is like no other

she has the drive of a single mother

and the confidence of a champion

with eyes prettier than a summer sky

but she can quickly switch to a bitch

and then back to an angel

damn that girl

now i wish i said just this one little thing...............

Hi

Sink or Swim

Be willin to take that dive

knowing that you may drown

but also knowing that you may be able to swim

but you'll never know if you don't take that dive

remember you only live once

so just try and take the chance

like a nerd asking a hot girl to a school dance

i know that this seems like play russian roulette with your heart

but you can't win if you never play the game

i'm willing to place my bet on the bullet not being there

and on us being together as a result

so i'm willin to take that dive

knowing i may drown but also knowing that i may swim

so are you ready and willing to take that dive?

Open Letter to God pt. 1

Dear GOD, I'm writting this letter of confession

it's long overdue much like my therapy session

the things i'm about to say are also long overdue

like a woman who's pregnant for 10 months

where do i start

maybe at the start

actually i'll start in june of 2000

when i lost part of my heart

you had took my grandmother home

and i was upset with you

and didnt know what to do

but now i understand it was part of your plan to shape me as a man

let's fast forward to january 03, my other grandmother left me

that shook me to my core

i wondered if you loved me anymore

i still remember crying on the floor saying it couldnt be

i just lost another important piece of me

The Second Coming

Greatness is not dead

it has arisen from the crypt

greatness has made a deal with the devil

greatness has promised to bring the keeper the two who brought him

the second coming is here

greatness was off the bull shit but now is back on it

greatness has a purpose now

that's to destroy any and everybody

who challenges him until he get's the two he wants

the second coming is here

greatness and the keeper are angry

you two should beware

The Keeper

The crypt keeper
the keeper of the crypt
the one who watches over the dead
the one who everybody fears
more than the reaper
no, they are not the same
there is no bargaining with the keeper
he has no face or body
just eyes,hands,and a robe
that is the keeper
but who is he really?

Impossible

Tonight marks the end
the impossible has happened
the soul is dead
it's now in the crypt
with the others
it was not sold
it was killed by two -
people. to think just two
to think "greatness" fell
to just four hands
it's official
the soul is dead